Blended, diverse families, UNITE!

In 2013 I turned 21 years old. That same year I also took on the role of “mother” to not one, but two amazing girls. I dropped my entire life to better theirs. I quit school, I quit my job, I quit my hobbies, I “quit” on a lot of my friendships. Please save your comments condemning me until the end. I never said I regret those decisions. Do I still think about those choices every single day? Yup. In fact, just the other night, I was in tears about how I hate that I am a “quitter”, and my husband gave me this awesome perspective:

Joe: Sara, success isn’t defined by the things you’ve completed
Me: I disagree. If I run a race and quit before I cross the finish line, I did not succeed in running that race
Joe: I think it matters why you quit. Did you quit to help someone who got hurt before they could cross the finish line, did you stop to help someone who needed you? Because if you quit something that was important to you so you could be there for someone in need, then you more than successfully ran that race. Sara, you quit everything you started and everything you worked for to help me and two little kids who needed you more than anything. You took the way harder route. You’ve won your race.

(*insert heavy sobbing*)

Over the past seven years I have learned to be proud of the sacrifices I have made, as should anyone be if they were in my shoes. “Just Do The Next Right Thing” (Frozen 2 fans, anyone?) has been my mantra since the beginning of my motherhood journey. None of the things I have done along the way have been about what’s easy, I think that is similar to any stepparent/stepchild situation. No little girl or little boy sits around and dreams of growing up and becoming someone’s stepparent. As harsh as that sounds, it is the goshdamn truth. I think some of us grow up to be needed as stepparents. Some of us were cut out for this, others were not. “Stepparent” isn’t a role we choose, it’s a role that chooses us.

As yes, a stepmom, who loves her stepdaughters, I deal with a lot of heavy things every single day. There are certain things that I’ve had to give up, not necessarily by choice but as just part of the territory, that I still grieve. My wedding, for example, was not about my husband and myself becoming husband and wife, as it typically would be. Our wedding day was chiefly about Adeline and Elise, and them “finally getting two parents”. My first pregnancy and the birth of my first biological baby revolved around Adeline and Elise becoming big sisters instead of me becoming a biological mother for the first time. I know that all of that sounds selfish, and I truly don’t mean it to. I know that the kids are the most important part of a blended family, I am not dense. I did my research and was okay with that before I allowed myself to fall in love with my (now) husband. That doesn’t mean that these things don’t hurt for stepparents, or that we aren’t allowed to grieve the situations that we essentially missed (or got entirely different experiences than what we have dreamt about). And it certainly does not mean that we love our bonus kiddos any less.

I am the person I am. And being that person means that I am afraid of my reputation being scarred by untrue statements. I am incredibly affected by the things others say to and about me. That’s just part of me. I work hard to ensure that I would be comfortable with everyone knowing everything that I do as far as parenting goes. These are some of my greatest attributes, but these are also some of my strongest handcuffs. I do not need to name the names of everyone who has called me out for not doing what they think is the best thing. I will not tell you who the people are who have butted their noses into my family’s business without knowing anything that happens behind closed doors (don’t we all just love unsolicited advice…eye rollllll). I do not need to go into detail about the things I have seen posted about me, specifically, on different social media platforms. Or how everyone has an opinion on blended families, most typically the “step mother” role. I have been “unfriended” by people who just “can’t stand it that you refer to those little girls as your step kids” and I have had to block people who tell me how “disgusting” I am that I would play house with someone else’s kids.

Stepparents carry a lot of weight around with them, and sometimes, it just gets really fricken heavy.

Here is what everyone should be focused on, but no one actually is. The Farbers are a family unit, just like yours. Or your neighbor’s, or your friend’s. The only thing that may be different is that we are a blended family. AND THAT IS OKAY. It is okay to call us what we are! It is okay to acknowledge that half of the children under this roof have a different mother, but they all have the same father. In fact, it is a good thing to be aware of the differences that surround us. According to our family therapist, it is actually healthy to acknowledge a stepparent for who they are. It brings awareness to all of the things that these amazing people are made of and all of the incredible things that they do. It helps the kids involved to appreciate the fact that they have another person in their lives to love them. It helps the kids understand that they have another adult around to trust and confide in, and who will be a positive role model. It helps the kids see it as a “bonus” parent instead of an intrusive person. Why wouldn’t stepparents be proud to say that we stepped up and did something that another woman or man couldn’t do or wasn’t willing to do? Why should I be ashamed to say that I have raised and loved two little humans who did not come from my body and that I continue to do so 24/7/365? Just because we, as a family, recognize that there is a biological difference between Adeline & Elise and myself does not mean that they are any less loved. They are grateful that I have come into their lives. They are thankful that they have someone to be a “mother figure” for them, because they wouldn’t have that without me. They have spoken this to me time and time again. They know how blessed I feel to have them be a (major) part of the person I am. Adeline told me that she is thankful for everything I have done for her (especially non-material things, I am so proud of that girl). Do I get short with the kids? Yes. All of them. Every mom has their moments, days, weeks where motherhood just feels like too much. Stress and mom guilt do not discriminate.

But here is the thing. I want my kids (yes, ALL OF THEM) knowing that families come in many shapes, sizes and dynamics. Some families have one parent, some have two. Some families have a mom and a dad, some have two moms (or two dads!). And some have a biological parent and a stepparent. There isn’t a single type of family that is better or worse than the other. We should be teaching younger generations that love is what makes a family, not DNA.

I have gotten this both ways. I have heard from a multitude of people on both ends of the spectrum. Unsolicited advice telling me that I have not earned the right to refer to myself as my girl’s mother, because I didn’t grow them or birth them. I have also be been told that am not allowed to call myself my girl’s stepmother because I am “the only mom they have”. But guess what?

I AM BOTH. And I should be damn proud.

Please always remember (especially you, stepparent), that you are here and you are so incredibly loved.

I’m THAT Girl, But I Can Fix It.

I struggled with my skin all throughout middle school, high school, college and now into my late 20s. I have had phases of dry skin, phases of oily skin, cystic acne, and everything in between. I am THAT girl. The “never has good skin” girl.

That’s okay. I used to be embarrassed about it, but only because I didn’t know how to fix the problem. I have used most products that you can buy at drug stores and online. Clean & Clear, Neutrogena, No. 7, and even some high-end products claiming to be “good” and “safe”. Most worked for a few weeks at a time, until what was supposed to fix my oily skin would dry it out, and then what I would use to compensate for the lack of oils that it left me with would make it oily again resulting in acne, blackheads, and just overall uneven and dull skin. What a silly, stupid cycle. Skin that isn’t performing at it’s absolute potential doesn’t make you feel good and as a mother of 3 girls (and also a son), I think it’s pretty important to model for them what self-love and self-confidence looks like.

And so began my search for the perfect skin care regimen. Throughout my search, I found the importance of safe products. I realized that it wasn’t necessarily what the product was marketed to do that mattered when it came to what you put on your skin, but what was actually inside said products.

If you follow along with me, my last post had a list of really intimidating words included. Lucky for you, I did all of the dirty work and found a company that is *actually* safe and reliable in it’s claims, not including any of those deadly (my husband thinks that word is harsh when it comes to talking about skin care, but Cancer kills, so the word stays) chemicals in their products. Here is a handy little list that gives the information to you point blank on what exactly those ingredients are, what they do and where you can find them in your everyday products.

Benzalkonium Chloride
A disinfectant used as a preservative and surfactant associated with severe skin, eye, and respiratory irritation and allergies.
Found in: sunscreens, moisturizers.

Butylatedhydroxy Anisole and Butylated Hydroxytoluene
Synthetic antioxidants used to extend shelf life. They are likely carcinogens and hormone disruptors and may cause liver damage.
Found in: lipsticks, moisturizers, diaper creams, and other cosmetics.

Coal tar hair dyes and other coal tar ingredients
A byproduct of coal processing that is a known carcinogen. It is used as a colorant and an anti-dandruff agent.
Found in: hair dye, shampoo.

Ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid (EDTA)
A chelating (binding) agent added to cosmetics to improve stability. May be toxic to organs.
Found in: hair color, moisturizers.

Ethanolamines (MEA/DEA/TEA)
Surfactants and pH adjuster linked to allergies, skin toxicity, hormone disruption, and inhibited fetal brain development.
Found in: hair dyes, mascara, foundation, fragrances, sunscreens, dry cleaning solvents, paint, pharmaceuticals.

Formaldehyde
Used as a preservative in cosmetics. A known carcinogen that is also linked to asthma, neurotoxicity, and developmental toxicity. Present where quaternium-15, DMDM hydantoin, imidazolidinyl urea, diazolidinyl urea, sodium hydroxymethylglycinate, 2-bromo-2-nitropropane-1,3 diol (Bronopol), and several other preservatives are listed. Found in: shampoo, body wash, bubble bath.

Hydroquinone
A skin-lightening chemical that inhibits the production of melanin and is linked to cancer, organ toxicity, and skin irritation.
Found in: skin-lightening creams.

Methylisothiazolinone and methylchloroisothiazolinone
Chemical preservatives that are among the most common irritants, sensitizers, and causes of contact skin allergies.
Found in: shampoo, conditioner, body wash.

Oxybenzone
Sunscreen agent and ultraviolet light absorber linked to irritation, sensitization and allergies, and possible hormone disruption.
Found in: sunscreen, moisturizer.

Parabens (methyl-, isobutyl-, propyl- and others)
A class of preservatives commonly used to prevent the growth of bacteria and mold. Parabens are endocrine (or hormone) disruptors, which may alter important hormone mechanisms in our bodies.
Found in: shampoo, face cleanser, body wash, body lotion, foundation.

Phthalates (DBP, DEHP, DEP and others)
A class of plasticizing chemicals used to make products more pliable or to make fragrances stick to skin. Phthalates disrupt the endocrine system and may cause birth defects.
Found in: synthetic fragrance, nail polish, hairspray, and plastic materials.

Polyethylene glycol (PEG compounds)
PEGs are widely used in cosmetics as thickeners, solvents, softeners, and moisture-carriers. Depending on manufacturing processes, PEGs may be contaminated with measurable amounts of ethylene oxide and 1,4-dioxane, which are both carcinogens. Found in: creams, sunscreen, shampoo.

Retinyl palmitate (Vitamin A Palmitate)
Retinyl palmitate is an ingredient composed of palmitic acid and retinol (Vitamin A). Data from an FDA study indicate that retinyl palmitate, when applied to the skin in the presence of sunlight, may result in adverse health consequences like lesions and photosensitization. FDA, Norwegian and German health agencies have raised a concern that daily skin application of vitamin A creams may contribute to excessive vitamin A intake for pregnant women and other populations.

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate and Sodium Laureth Sulfate (SLS and SLES)
SLS and SLES are surfactants that can cause skin irritation or trigger allergies. SLES is often contaminated with 1,4-dioxane, a byproduct of a petrochemical process called ethoxylation, which is used to process other chemicals in order to make them less harsh. Found in: shampoo, body wash, bubble bath.

Synthetic flavor or fragrance
An engineered scent or flavoring agent that may contain any combination of 3,000-plus stock chemical ingredients, including hormone disruptors and allergens. Fragrance formulas are protected under federal law’s classification of trade secrets and therefore can remain undisclosed.
Found in: all types of cosmetics.

Toluene
A volatile petrochemical solvent that is toxic to the immune system and can cause birth defects.
Found in: nail polish.

Triclosan and Triclocarban
Antimicrobial pesticides toxic to the aquatic environment; may also impact human reproductive systems.
Found in: liquid soap, soap bars, toothpaste.

That list is copied and pasted directly from Beautycounter’s website, and they call it “The Never List”. This means that every product that they offer you will never contain those ingredients. Whether you were invested enough to read through that entire list, you skimmed across it, or skipped over it entirely, you can see that the list is long and alarming. If you look closely, five of those ingredients are known to mess with your endocrine system, resulting in reproductive issues, low sex drive, mood swings, and a plethora of other complications involving your hormones. Four of them are known to cause cancer.

I challenge you to look over your skin care and make up products. Even just the ones you use regularly. Print this list out, see how many of those chemicals you are absorbing into your skin (or ingesting into your lungs when using a powdered makeup). Are you safe?
If you’re thinking you need to make some changes, I was right there with you! Here is a link to my shop for safer skin care. Everything you will find on my website is free of harmful chemicals and will change your skin for the better. I give you my word.

Always remember that you are here, and you are so loved.

The World is Dirty; Let’s Learn to be Clean

Have you heard of the global pandemic that is currently happening?
LOL, of course you have. It’s all anyone has been talking about. Everywhere.
Everywhere you look you will find articles on how to maintain your health and how to stop the spread of the new coronavirus that causes COVID-19. Going so far as to quarantine yourselves and your families (government mandated, I am 100% on board), with some cities on total lockdown. Soap is gone, disinfecting wipes are sold out.
But, is anyone else wondering “why now”? Why are people just now deciding to put forth effort regarding their personal hygiene and keeping themselves healthy? Is it because there is an immediate threat? One that they will see and experience right away if they do not do these things?

I’m about so throw some really big words at you. Are you Ready?

Benzalkonium Chloride

Butylatedhydroxy Anisole and Butylated Hydroxytoluene

Ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid (EDTA)

Ethanolamines (MEA/DEA/TEA)

Formaldehyde

Hydroquinone

Methylisothiazolinone and methylchloroisothiazolinone

Oxybenzone

Parabens (methyl-, isobutyl-, propyl- and others)

Phthalates (DBP, DEHP, DEP and others)

Polyethylene glycol (PEG compounds)

Retinyl palmitate (Vitamin A Palmitate)

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate and Sodium Laureth Sulfate (SLS and SLES)

Toluene

Triclosan and Triclocarban

Okay, now take a breath. Those were some huge words, and to be honest, I can’t even pronounce half (read: all) of them.
Are you wondering what kind of random a** post this is and why I’m writing about these giant words that no one knows about?

GOOD. You’re part of the problem (it’s not your fault, big companies are doing a very good job of keeping people uneducated). But you’re also part of the answer. All of those ingredients (yes, those are all ingredients) plus some are found in the products you put on and into your body every. single. day.
Do you know what they do? Didn’t think so.
Do you know which products each of those ingredients can be found in? Didn’t think so, either.

FIVE of those big words up there are known to disrupt the endocrine system (your hormones) and cause reproductive issues. FIVE.
FOUR of them are known carcinogens.

So for everyone who is going nuts washing their hands and sanitizing their homes so they don’t get the Coronavirus leading to COVID-19, I’d like to ask you a question.

If you knew that the “dirty” products you used every day for soap, lotion, moisturizer, sunscreen, lip care, kids products and baby products could cause you and your family cancer, reproductive issues, hormone deficiencies, and other health related problems 2,3,5,10 years from now, would you still use them?

My last blog post was me preaching about how we should use this time of being forced into staying within our own four walls to “do that thing” or “start that project”. This big leap has been swimming around my head for over a year now. I have finally found the courage to dive into it, I have finally chosen to learn about our bodies and what goes on and into them. I have an entire world of information that I’m excited to share with you. I cannot wait to educate, advocate and lead you into a future of products that do not cost us our health. Because beauty should be good for you.

Stay Tuned.
Meanwhile, HERE is a link to my shop where you can rest assured that every single product offered will never contain any of those deadly ingredients (more on The Never List in my next post).

Always remember, you are here and you are so incredibly loved.

SAHMs Vs Coronavirus

Day one of quarantine: Neighbor came over to visit and let the kids play, I almost stabbed her 2yo in the face accidentally with the scissors I was holding when trying to save him from touching the hot oven.
Bottles of wine consumed-one.

Day two of quarantine: Almost forgot to set off the Leprechaun traps my kids worked their tails off making, because even though we’re stuck in a pandemic, holidays still happen. Still no Mac & Cheese in any store, anywhere.
Bottles of wine consumed-TBD

I am a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM), that is my “profession”. On a normal day, we take trips to the library. We go to Play & Learn groups throughout our community. I have scheduled days where the kiddos help me make snacks and/or lunch. We do sensory projects. I normally watch kids at my house Monday-Thursday, all age 5 and under, so all of these thoughtfully curated activities are based on what younger kids can do. Schedules, lunches, naps, etcetera.

ENTER: COVID-19

LORD HELP US ALL. I don’t have my daycare kiddos for the next 4 weeks (or until schools open again), but what I do have is a wily, energetic 8 year-old. And what I also have is a bored-easily 10 year old. Mix that with my 2 year old who loves routine, and my 7 month old who still never sleeps, along with no groceries at any store, no toilet paper, and also not being able to leave the house.  Don’t ask me if I’m okay. I’M NOT OKAY. GOODBYE.

Just kidding, I’m still here.

I really am so grateful that my husband and I didn’t have to panic about who would leave work to stay home with the kids and I genuinely feel terrible for families who are in that situation. I’m sure daycares are slammed full, and some parents don’t have the luxury to just take off indefinitely or work from home. I am actually helping a good friend (and neighbor) with her daughter while schools are closed. She happens to be Adeline’s best friend, so it works out great. She is very helpful here, Finn is obsessed with her. We love her.

DIGRESS.

Coming from an education background and having worked in the field before staying at home, I am 100% that bitc– I mean mom– that made a color-coded schedule to get us through this national emergency. Judge me, I do not care. We had to go to the school to pick up my school-age kid’s Chromebooks, notebooks, assignments, and books. Because not only are we trying to survive an apocalypse, we also need to be teachers, because lEaRnInG (insert spitting Spongebob meme here). Mom’s need some recognition. We are the unsung heroes here. (Stop, I know the real unsung heroes are medical professionals and retail workers. You guys are amazing. But, mom’s are also working their tails off and are tremendously effected by this quarantine and the Coronavirus). As if we, the mothers, didn’t struggle finding time for ourselves before all of this, imagine it now.

My sister sent me a message this week saying:
“Instead of Netflix and Chilling, perhaps use this time to work on side hustles and creative dreams“
Not sure where I would have added “Netflix & Chill” into our schedule, but she is so right. Why use any downtime to watch TV and be unproductive? Why waste an opportunity like this? One where we have literally no choice but to stay home.

I want to show the kids that, even though this situation massively sucks, we can still take this sh***y  situation and make something amazing out of it. Then I will have done my job. That lesson is far more important than following any schedule, or doing any math or reading assignment (sorry, teachers). I have been trying to emphasize for them that everything happens for a reason. God will provide, God will show us the way. Maybe this is a massive sign to “start that project” or “do that thing”. Maybe this is the Big Man Upstairs saying “here, here is all of the time you need, do what your heart as been telling you to do, because that is Me speaking to you”. Find the time. Do the thing. God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.
Stay tuned for what side hustle & creative dream I come up with.

Remember always that you are here.
And you are so incredibly loved.

To check out what we’re doing at home these next few weeks, follow along on my Instagram for activities, insights, schedules, and all of the other good stuff!
Insta Handle: Sara_M_Farber

We’re Back and Better Than Ever

Hello!
It’s been some time (roughly 4 years) since I’ve dabbled in blogging. This used to be a space for me to share about my step-mothering journey. Somewhere my family of four could be shared and our stories told.
When I left, our family was in a dark situation where, without the help of our families, we would not have made it (we wouldn’t have DIED, but we wouldn’t have come out as a family unit). We were down to one car (barely), no home (living with family), no steady income after I had quit school and my job for my husband to pursue his dream. We were raising two daughters, with no child support (and no support of any kind, actually) from their birth mother. Although the latter of the situations has not changed since then, (that’s a story for a different day), the majority of those things have – for the MUCH better.

A LOT has happened since I’ve fallen of the wagon and last sat down to write. Like TWO more kids (another girl and a son!), a dream job for my husband (finally), we bought a house (my perfect home, somewhere I’ve always imagined) and we have two working vehicles (my husband actually just bought the truck he’s been wanting, I drive a minivan, go figure).

The craziest thing about the entire journey that the last few years has taken us on, is that I can vividly remember thinking to myself (bawling on the bathroom floor with the shower running so no one could hear me) that “things will never get better”, that we are “stuck here, and there’s no light at the end for us”. Boy, do I feel silly now. I prayed that we would be able to somehow overcome the financial burden we carried and that we inevitably placed on everyone who helped us greatly. I remember praying to someday be in a place where we could comfortably bring our own children into the world. I remember praying for a home that we didn’t have to share with family members, that we could afford all on our own, make all our own, and that we could invite people to for gatherings and to visit.

I remember praying to see the opportunities that God had been placing in front of me, because I had to be missing something. I had to be missing some giant opportunity that would make things magically better for us. I had to be missing something that would make me a better person.

…and I was.

Our wait was our opportunity. Our wait for all of the things we have now was the opportunity for us to place our faith in Him, and to trust his timing. Throughout that wait, I learned one very, very important lesson; God’s delay is NOT His denial. We were not being denied a home, a biological family, a career, a paycheck. We were simply being delayed by Grand Design, so that when all of those things fell into our laps, we had the heart and the spirit to fully appreciate them for everything that they are.

And I am so grateful for that.
Our wait has defined us, and our wait has made us better than ever.

I am excited to be back in the saddle, and I cannot wait to bring you more stories from our family of SIX.

Remember always, that you are here.
And you are so incredibly loved.

The Best is Yet to Be

Well, I sure hope so!

The windshield on my car has been cracked in two places for months, and our other vehicle just got towed yesterday. We are thousands of dollars in debt due to not being able to afford daycare (no help from the non-existent child support fund), yet making too much money to get assistance in helping to pay for it. This resulting in me quitting my job (which I loved more than most things in my life) to stay home and take care of my children, not mine biologically, but mine nontheless . We have been waiting on what seems to be a series of empty promises from a company to hire my fiancé so we won’t have to wonder how we will pay for gas and how we will put food on the table independently (not depending on our wonderful families for help), and when we will be able to move our family of four back into our own house.

I am waiting to go back to school. I am waiting to be able to accept a job with certainty, knowing that we will be able to afford for the children I have completely emptied my cup for to be taken care of while I am away. And last but not least, I am waiting to feel grateful about waking up in the morning and getting to live another day in this mess I “like” to call life.

Now, before you start telling me under your breath that “you can’t WAIT for things to happen, you have to MAKE them happen”, or some sappy crap like that, hear me out.

I have brainstormed for MONTHS about what will make my life easier, about when this “best” part will come along.
Will it be when we finally start receiving child support to help pay for the children we are raising on a single income? No.
Will it be when we finally get the news that we will have a guaranteed steady income, so we know how our groceries will be paid for, how our bills will be paid for and how our cars will run? No…although that definitely wouldn’t hurt.

The trick to this, is that I can’t MAKE anything happen to make my life easier. There isn’t any room to MAKE changes in the situation I’m in. There isn’t a reachable goal (at this point) that would benefit me, my kids, and my fiancé all at the same time. And that’s just the hand I’ve been dealt right now.

So, when will things get better…and eventually be the “best”?
Turns out, if I’m chasing the best, I’ll be running for a long time. And quite frankly, I’m not in shape for that kind of exercise.
Mindset, my friends.
When I start being that mother who, although never carried my children within my body, forces myself to be selfless towards them and do whatever I have to do to make sure they are getting the best of everything they could possibly be getting…even if that means that I have to put my life on hold and be miserable for while.
When I start being that (soon-to-be wife), who submits to my husband and his promises that THIS WILL GET BETTER (in his words, “this is all small potatoes in the grand scheme of our lives), and supports the situation that we’re in (without blaming him for it).

So, although my life is HARDER than HELL right now, and most days I do NOT want to get out of bed in the morning and face another day, I need to have the mindset that things may not be as bad as they seem. Because, guess what? I am healthy, my family is healthy. I am fed, my family is fed. I am warm and safe, and my family is warm and safe.

We might be dead broke, but we’re rich in love.

Always remember:
You are here, and you are so loved.

I’ll Have a Mete and Ledes Sandwich…Mabe.

So, as most of you know, Adeline started kindergarten this year.
And when kids start kindergarten, this really funny thing happens–they learn things.

They learn how to read, and how to write, and what all of the words adults s-p-e-l-l to each other actually are (ugh).

Addie, in particular, loves writing. She writes her name, she writes her sister’s name, she writes my name (funny thing, her friend’s mom spells her name “MOM”, too!), she writes stories, play menus, tickets…and last, but most definitely not least, our grocery list.
Anyone who knows me knows that when I go grocery shopping with two kids in tow, there is nothing I like more than to get in and get the hell out whilst not making any scenes and keeping the store (and ourselves) in one piece. Deciphering the Da Vinci Code that is my grocery list is, in fact, NOT on my list of to-dos.

But, low and behold, I can’t say no (and I secretly think it’s wonderful that she loves to write), but what the hell do we do when even she can’t decipher what it is we need?! And I don’t make a bunch a special trips to the store when we forget something, that nonsense is for people who don’t have kids, and nap time, and lunch time, and playtime and all of that other daily crap–when we need something, it goes on the list, and we get it when we’re at the store.

Needless to say, we’ve resorted to “winging” it. When the list says things like “MABE”, it usually means something like, “Yes honey, I think you spelled Cheetos, we definitely need those”.

 

 

When Timbuktu Wasn’t Far Enough

Everyday is an adventure for me–and watching A and E grow and mature has been one of the greatest. I often find myself reminiscing on the funny and sweet things they have done throughout the past few years, and I realize, now, how birth parents must feel when they realize that their precious babies will never be little again.

I was reading a children’s book the other day (Oh the Places You’ll Go, one of our favorites!) and I laughed out loud remembering a very deep conversation I had with A a few years back when she will still a toddler.
It went something like this:

Me: *reading* “And on you will hike, and I know you’ll hike far”
A: Mama, how far??
Me: As far as you want to go! Wherever you want to go in the whole world!
A: NO, I mean HOW FAR.
Me: Okay…how about to Timbuktu?
A: …how about Timbuk-FOURTEEN!

Of course I laughed out loud. And of course there are some days when I wish I could ship them off to Timbuk-fourteen. But then I would think about these cute little conversations, and realize that timbuktu is probably far enough. (Just kidding–I’ll keep them here for a while ;))

 

A Love Letter to Myself

Although I am madly and fiercely in love with my soon-to-be husband, and my two little girlie-wirlies, I have been coming to realize that I have a very deep love for yet another person. A person who knows me better than anyone else. A person who knows what makes my heart sing, and what makes my soul crumble. A person who knows my inner-most thoughts always, and someone who, without question, always has my back.

This person is myself.

There has been an ongoing trend of “self-love” and being happy with who we are. However, most of these ads and the people sharing them are more focused on self-image, and being happy with what we look like and not who we are.

So here is a very raw love letter to myself, nothing left unsaid.

Dear Sara,
I want you to know that I admire your courage. I want you to know that I see you. I see you struggle, and I see you fall, but most importantly, I want you to know that I see you graciously pick yourself up again and again.
I know that life has given you many obstacles to overcome, and I know that you’ve taken them all in stride. I know that life hasn’t always been easy for you, and that you’ve really taken a beating in the last few years. Please know that I am still here, and I am still waiting to help you pick up all of your pieces.
I am sorry for sometimes making you feel inadequate. I am sorry for telling you to lose those extra pounds you’ve gained. But, please remember all of the ice cream dates and pizza parties your children have gotten to experience, even if they were at the expense of your outward appearance. I know, Sara, that you try your hardest every single day. Even on the days where you splurge and eat the processed foods, or the days where you let your kids eat sugar. Even on the days when you go to bed feeling like a failure, I am here for you, and I will never give up on you.
I am sorry for comparing you to other people, and letting you be influenced so harshly by the opinions of others. I know that you are a force for good, and that you are overly obsessed with doing what’s right by God and everyone else. But don’t forget to take care of you, okay?
You mean the world to me. You are so kind. So amazing. So strong.
I promise to be gentle with you, and love you as deeply as I possibly can. I promise to try to understand you, and pray with you, and help you heal. I promise to cherish your soul, the person you are, and the person you strive everyday to be.
I promise to walk with you on all of your journeys, no matter how long and rough the road.
I love you.

Love,
Sara

I challenge YOU to write a love letter to yourself. Remind yourself how strong, incredible, and fiercely courageous you are.

You are here, and you are loved.

My God is Your God, Your God is Mine.

I’ve been praying a lot lately.
With my wedding just around the corner, and everything happening in my little family’s lives, things get pretty nuts upstairs, if you know what I mean.

Finding time for God is something that gives me peace.
But who is God?

Is God who protects ME everyday?
My God is.
Is God who protects YOU everyday?
Your God is.
Is God the one who gives ME strength and guidance?
My God is.
Is God the one who gives YOU strength and guidance?
Your God is.

There is no correct answer for the question “Who is God?”, because who God is varies from person to person.

My God is the one who helps me love and protect my children every single day. Your God may be the God who keeps you clean on your journey to sobriety. My God lifts me when I need the strength, and reminds me that my body is beautiful and capable. Your God may be the God who wakes you up every morning and helps you fight your battle with a terminal illness.

No matter the form that God comes to us in, He is here. All around us.
He makes Himself available to us in the way we need it most. That is something pretty incredible, if you ask me.

No matter your battle, no matter your God.
You are here, and you are loved eternally.